he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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