I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I cannot find my penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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