even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
