I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
