singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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