it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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