The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
