You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
