time to smoke my breakfast
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
