I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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