If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
