they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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