I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
