Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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