Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
