I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
