You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
