all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
