He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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