This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
