FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
