yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
