Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
