whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
