I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize