He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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