she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
