did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
