the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
