so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
