chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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