He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
