Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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