Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
