He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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