Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
