so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
