Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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