I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize