They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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