It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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