btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love you. Go after that dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
