I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
