I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Mom said you looked used
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
