i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
