Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
