it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
