i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
