next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
