i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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