I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
