wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
