thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Farmville is her only friend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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