theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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