How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
