the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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