I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
