do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
