I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize