I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
