I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
