the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
