nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
