He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize