never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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