he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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